The depression factor was pretty high today. Is high today. I'm sick of feeling sick all the time. I hate being to weak that I have to sit down and catch my breath after going up a set of stairs. They say when you are diagnosed with a life changing disease or something like it that you go through all of the stages of grief. I believe that and I see myself going through them but it feels too dramatic. I don't feel like RA is a worthy reason to be dealing with grief. That's for people who have lost a loved one or... ug. Im too tired to think of another example right now. I just feel like the life I have been planning on is slipping through my fingers and I'm scared and I feel lonely and I feel myself withdrawing from my friends and most importantly my family. And I see it happening and then I don't do anything about it, even though I want to soooo bad. And now it's 11:38 pm and I'm sitting alone in my room... in my bed... exhausted and heartbroken... and I have no idea why. everything just hurts all over. every joint and muscle and I'm just so so tired. Uggg... I just feel so dramatic. people deal with things so so so much worse in life and here I am sinking in my RA. ok. that's enough venting for one night.
But selena-- THANK YOU for your note! Hearing from fellow RA people always is wonderful esp when their one of my best friends. You give me hope. Im going to get better and get to where you are! Thanks. I love you.
Ok... good night all. Let's all work to remember all that we have to be grateful for! I know I need to focus on it more. I have so so so much to be grateful for!